One day at a time.

To him. It was one mistake, one night, one moment. And he found out, so much for being “friends” still..

that being said, he obviously doesn’t like me now. Our mutual friends still talk to me and they understand people make mistakes and aren’t judging me. That means a lot. My closest friends outside of that also know and understand that I’m not perfect and still love me.

I’m working on fixing myself. I’m not gonna search for someone to be with, but will let things fall into place gradually and with time. Despite my mistake, I know I’m a good girlfriend and that I put a lot into relationships.. And one day someone will be able to see that and treat me right.

For the first time in years, I’m okay with being single. I can focus on my friends and just living my life with no stress. I’m not gonna want it to be this way forever, but no rush.

And I’ve been getting pretty damn good at it.
He didn’t treat me right, and its strange to accept when something isn’t my fault. I was told that for so long by my ex, that I was clingy and selfish and emotional. It’s just that I care about the people in my life, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

That being said, I’m really happy now. It’s less responsibility and was more negative than positive. When I was literally next to him, I was happy. But anytime he was away, not so much. And he gradually just spent more time away from me.

He’s not deep. He can’t be on that same level on me. Funny, considering even his best friends can.

Time to go out and meet new people. I’ve been doing that a ton this weekend. 

to be back in Texas.

I’ve had (for the most part) a really great freshman year. I’ve met tons of people from different places and background. Sure.. academics is hard as hell here. But y’know what? That’s okay because it’s preparing me for the real world.

I went through a relationship that ended, but we still hang out and are friends, so we ended things maturely. I’m learning what I want from a guy in the future. Compared to my past relationship, I am so happy afterwords. And I’m glad I’ve really found a group of great friends.

Nonetheless, I miss my best friends in Texas a ton. They’ve always been there, via phone call or Skype, to listen to me if I have troubles and soothe my worries and frustrations. I can truly be 100% my weirdass self in front of them. When we reunite for almost three weeks, it’ll be amazing. I’m so excited.

I’m spending a majority of the summer in California where my parents moved. I’m trying to find some sort of job, probably babysitting since I’ll be traveling and that kinda job can be pretty flexible, and since kids are out of school for the summer. That’ll be a seasonal thing. Not to mention, compared to working in a restaurant or something, I feel babysitting looks better when I try to apply for other positions more related to my major.

I went from PrePharmacy to Environmental & Occupational Health. I’m much happier. I feel my new major’s classes are more at my speed. I don’t have the pressure and anxiety of getting into graduate school to have a great degree. I can work practically ANYWHERE that I could want, which is really cool. I’m really satisfied with the decisions I’ve made, and realize I shouldn’t be afraid to change my mind or priorities. 

I’ve also learned that I’m not superwoman. Everyone has weaknesses and also strengths. I’m not perfect; Nobody can have it ALL. You have to make the best out of what God has given you. Not everything will run smoothly, but be grateful for the things that do, and let those things occupy your mind more than other things.

I’ve learned so much, and I feel I’ve matured a bit. I’ve learned how it is to not depend on my parents for everything and to really solve problems on my own. I was transplanted to a state far away and completely different than the one that I’m used to. I really went out of my comfort zone and I’m starting to gain some independence, I feel. I still have a ways to go but that’s okay. 

Let’s just get these finals over with so I can have a break, pretty please. And from there, enjoy summer, and prepare for fall semester, with harder classes, fall rush, polo club into full swing and giving tours again. 

I’m very satisfied with how things have gone. Despite my low moments here and there. 

He cried, telling me he is a horrible boyfriend and that he’s so sorry he can’t be a good one.
But. I know he cares about me. I care about him.
It’s too much though. We ended things.

I want him back SO badly but I don’t think that’ll happen and that disappoints me..
Oh well.
We’re still friends.

Need to figure out why I’m unhappy for no reason. It’s starting to get out of hand. He treats me well yet I think he doesn’t, I have a meltdown and then realize how ridiculous I sound..

of driving him away.
I just hate being alone so damn much.
Summer is going to suck once I’m back in California with no friends..
I’m scared. Help. 

And then you turned me around.

Even when I cry, am a mess, cant hold it together, you hold me and tell me you care, that’s everything will be just fine, and that you want me to be happy.

Finally.. I know you’re in this for real.